In honor of Valentine’s Day, the front page of the Wall Street Journal’s Personal Journal for February 9th featured a few couples who had ‘beat the odds’ and stayed married for more than a few decades (so far). The stories were both sweet and challenging, and I couldn’t help but be impressed with a few of the tips the writer pulled from the honeymooners.
Forgiveness
Talking about her own parents that had stayed married for 46 years so far, her mom noted that their marital secret was, ‘forgiveness.’ Another couple married for 62 years, made a pact to never argue over anything that wasn’t very important. They chose to ‘forgive’ the small differences and annoyances and ‘save their battles for the bigger things.’
Selflessness
The writer calls this ‘compromise’ but it sounds to me like loving your spouse more than yourself. One wife (married for 50 years) moved away from her children and to a warmer climate because her husband preferred it. Years before, her husband had left the service because she was bothered that he was gone so much.
Perseverance
‘Never, ever give up’ is the way the writer states it. In telling the story of Ozzy Osbourne and his marriage of nearly 30 years that’s survived drug and alcohol addictions and lots of hard times. His wife stated, ‘I went into marriage thinking it was forever. So, I was stubborn.’ Her husband showed the same level of perseverance, ‘You don’t throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble.’
Christ is the Secret for an Enduring Marriage
This Valentine’s, I’m not focusing so much on chocolates or teddy bears. Instead, I’m asking God to renew my commitment to my husband and our marriage. Christ may shower his common graces of forgiveness, selflessness and perseverance on those who do and do not call on His name. But, how much more will He do so for those who DO call Him Savior? He is the ultimate example of selflessness, forgiveness, and perseverance-and certainly has a storehouse full to give to those who ask..
So, while inspired by the writer’s article “Kiss and Tell,” I’ll now turn my attention to Christ and ask for great measures of forgiveness and perseverance for the years ahead.
What long lasting marriages have you been able to admire? Any secrets or thoughts about what keeps them together over the years?
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I have always admired my parents and my grandparents for there lasting and loving marriages. My grandparents have been together for, I believe, 66 years this year and just celebrated their anniversary. My parents have been married almost 35 years. When asking both sets how they have made it work…
my grandparents say, “don’t sweat the small stuff and let the other person be who they are and you enjoy who they are.”
My parents say, “It’s about RESPECT.” I remember my dad telling me that at times when he doesn’t feel madly in love with my mom, he still has the utmost respect that she is his wife and the mother of his children. They also say that loving each other is like faith in God..it is a daily choice that we make and it takes perseverance and grace.
I asked my dad one time if he was sad b/c when he died he wouldn’t be able to be with my mom anymore? He told me that because God is Love, therefore love is eternal, and his love for her would also be eternal through God. He also likes to tell me from time to time, “if we need it (whatever it is I am wondering about at the time) when we get to heaven, it will be there.”
Often I think of all of the aunts and their marriages.
My mom said that hardest thing for her was the idea of submission. – not in the door mat sense, but I think in the “selflessness” sense. She reminds me a lot.
Enjoying your writing.
Lora
My parents were married 35 years when my mom died. Watching his heartbreak and devestation was hard but he had literally lost his best friend and for a long time didn’t want to live without her. They’d go for walks and hold hands, fellowship with eachother and enjoyed being together. They did fight sometimes but not often. I know it was God who kept them together and strong in relationship. They were heading for divorce when I was a little girl. My dad became a Christian and felt God telling him to go back to my mom and “just love her”. He obeyed and she also gave her life to the Lord. I was privileged to see a healthy, commited marriage in action for so many years.
What a great testimony of perseverance and forgiveness. Thanks so much for sharing your parents’ story with us.
So glad you are back!