If You Feel Far Away but Don’t Know Why

November 21, 2011

in Humility

You pray but feel like you’re just talking to the air.  You sing but hear the noise bounce off the ceiling.  You want to draw close but feel like the heavens are just closed up.

I know that God is in the heavens and I try to climb up there to get close. I forget that though He is so high, He draws close to those who bow down low.

Reading Repentance and listening to a clear definition of sin straightens me to a better posture for getting close to God…

“Sin is…

The glory of God is not honored.
The holiness of God is not reverenced.
The greatness of God is not admired.
The power of God is not praised.
The truth of God is not sought.
The wisdom of God is not esteemed.
The beauty of God is not treasured.
The goodness of God is not savored.
The faithfulness of God is not trusted.
The promises of God are not relied upon.
The commandments of God are not obeyed.
The justice of God is not respected.
The wrath of God is not feared.
The grace of God is not cherished.
The presence of God is not prized.
The person of God is not loved.”

from this sermon and quoted on this album

And here, down low, I see myself more clearly.  See myself praising my own efforts more than God’s power, esteeming my own thoughts over God’s wisdom, treasuring my own outward beauty more than Christ’s, doubting God’s faithfulness thinking His loyalty is like my own, relying on my own ability to control rather than His ability to keep His promises…the list goes on and I should stay here for a while. Me, down low, low with this list.  And strangely enough, the more I admit all I’ve done, the closer He comes.  The lower I go, the further He reaches to pull me near.

And I pray for grace to stay here, no longer far away but finally admitting I’m far from perfect.

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.  Psalm 51:17

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