She cries for me to come but I already know it’s time. This body of mine is sure to let me know when I need to fill that body of hers. It wasn’t until I became a nursing mother that I understood why the cows moo so loudly when it’s milking time.
Mothers can literally feel the need to be emptied out.
And I feel it daily with this growing baby, now more than three months old and soon too heavy to swaddle and rock for any length of time. Her task is to take all that I have to give and my task is to give her all that I have. To refuse her, to hold back, to not let her empty all of me ends up hurting both of us.
After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. 2 Corinthians 12:14
It’s almost been half a decade since I was first called ‘mama’ and I’ve learned at least one thing from these five trips around the sun. God makes a mama to be emptied. And though it may feel so painful at times to give and give and give some more, the alternative is worse. To keep all this to myself, to reserve some part of me for just me eventually starts to hurt.
But there are days when all I’ve poured out makes me feel certain that I’ve run out. And there just seems to be nothing left to give. The mother whose milk has just dried up.
And I really have run out until I look and see Him there, empty.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God,did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:5-7
Because Christ knew He would pour Himself out on the cross before He created mothers who would pour out and feed their babies, before He made women who would have to empty themselves again and again. And it’s only by filling up on all He poured out that I can keep pouring and giving.
I know the HEART is the favored shape of love-life giving, always working, never stopping. But, for me, these days, the shape love takes looks more like a jar, continuously poured out, emptied of self, for the purpose of filling up others.
And yet, for those who walk with Jesus, the jar never runs dry, because Christ was the first to pour love.
The shape of His heart was so big and the size of His jar is so large that we could be filled forever with all that He gave-even (and especially) if we never stopped giving ourselves.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38
She sleeps a bit longer through the night and I roll over to the pain of being too full, the pain of needing to be emptied. And I pray for grace-grace to not forget this feeling, to always remember the pain of neglecting the sometimes painful giving. I pray that I will give and give and give some more, eventually letting this whole body bend into the shape of love. And finding that all my giving is really just getting-getting more from the One who gave it all.