It started when I ran in quick to check email, knowing I wasn’t holding to my goal of only doing so after I’d rested and prayed and read.
And instead of reading His Words, I read those of my boss. The project’s not finished, the work I’ve done is not complete and all of it needs to be reworked.
I only had a minute and I spent it on this email-and peace leaves me, blows right out the window with all this wintry wind. I unload the van and the babies and settle everyone down for naps, but I’m not settling down-only getting worked up. Thinking of all the reasons why my work’s not satisfactory, I choose at least five people (besides myself) to blame. I think of the work that will be necessary to fix the work I’ve already done and work myself into a tizzy. I’m tossing dishes from the sink into the washer and that’s when He speaks…
‘I will never be shaken.’
I will never be shaken? Who can say that? I know the words because we’ve been singing and dancing them here around the living room. But do I know the words by heart, deep inside this heart?
These words have been the challenge for my week, and it’s only Wednesday. But we’ve already been up all night, twice. My oldest girl’s got a cough that just makes her want to cry. My boy’s had his ups and downs from getting up and down from bed much too early. And my perfect family Valentine dinner was anything but perfect-rolls burnt on the bottoms, carrots under-cooked and heritage farmer’s market chicken just not ready when everyone else was.
With each turn of the day, when nothing’s turning out the way I’d hoped, I’ve been turning right back to this:
‘I will never be shaken.’
But it’s not a determination thing, a grind the teeth, grin and bear it sort of resolution. This promise to not be shaken is only possible when I’m doing all that’s possible to rest in God.
Truly my soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2
How much of my rest is found in my boss’ approval of my work? When I sent off that paper, how much of my confidence was in my ability to do a good job? And how much am I trusting and resting in my children’s good health or behavior? How much do I rest in my ability to impress Jason, or the kids, or the neighbors?
The test comes when these things get shaken. When things seem to take a turn for the worse, that’s when the worst comes out–and hopefully it comes out for good. When God shakes things up, perhaps He’s shaking all that misplaced trust right out of me.
I wake to a toddler crying and a nearly five year old mourning and my boy wanting me to build a LEGO robot. And that work paper? Still needs to be reworked. But I pray and ask for grace and say it with trusting in Jesus confidence: