Many times I find myself angry and frustrated with friends, family, and even strangers when they just can’t seem to get it together. Their behavior hits me in just the right spot to stir up a growl inside that’s hard to subdue.
Many times, the only way to quench that fire is to remember that these people-who are hurting me, making life difficult for everyone, or just not behaving correctly-are that way because they’re sick.
A while back my little girl was throwing a major fit. We were out with friends and I could feel my frustration level rising. I was embarrassed by her behavior and I couldn’t seem to calm her down. I pulled her aside and tried to have a stern conversation with her. I was angry and she could hear it in my voice. But, she just wouldn’t calm down. And then…it happened. She lost her lunch all over the place. She wasn’t throwing a fit because she was just naughty (though this is often the case)…she was throwing a fit because she was sick and hurting.
Immediately my anger melted into sympathy and gentleness.
- Instead of wanting to squeeze her arm, I wanted to hug her tight.
- Instead of wanting to talk sternly, I wanted to comfort her with gentle words.
- Instead of wanting to tell her what was wrong, I wanted to ask her where it hurt.
This has happened more than a few times. Especially at nighttime. I’ve sometimes been woken up by a child, thinking to myself: ‘Why won’t that little baby just sleep already?’ I go in to find he’s running a temp or has a runny nose. My frustration with his sleeplessness turns to sympathy with his pain.
And this is how things are in the world. People are difficult and sinful and throwing temper tantrums-because people (including me and you) are all very very ill with sin.
Now, I know that TOUGH LOVE has its place. No worries. I’m not saying that we should just sympathize with everyone’s sin in the world, circle round them, and give a big group hug. I’m not saying that.
What I am saying is that when dealing with others’ sins and sinful patterns, proper perspective is a MUST. Temper tantrums aren’t excusable and habitual sin should be battled among all who call themselves ‘Jesus followers.’ But, we have to start the whole process of rescue, correction and restoration with the right thoughts in our head.
Jesus’ Example
Jesus modeled this when He looked with compassion over those who were about to KILL HIM and said He wanted to gather them up like little chicks. Can you imagine? He knew they were about to murder Him and yet because of His perspective, He had compassion and wanted them close to Him (as close as a mommy with her babies). Even on the cross, He asked for his murderers’ forgiveness–‘Be merciful with them, they’re sick. They don’t know what they’re doing.’
When it comes to dealing with sinners (and that’s all of us), I need a good healthy dose of compassion and perspective. And so, I’m praying this prayer today. Pray it with me and ask God to give you a spoonful of sugar before you start handing out medicine.
Lord,
- You taught that it’s only grace that we are saved. I know and trust that for myself and yet seem to forget it when dealing with others. Correct my perspective when judging others and so easily becoming frustrated with their sinful behaviors.
- Give me patience and sympathy for them, remembering that I too am poor and sick without your grace. Help me to see friends, family, and strangers as little children that are sick and struggling with sin. Give me deep compassion for others as they fight sin (and sin sometimes wins).
- Only with a heart of compassion and a renewed desire to see your perfect will in others’ lives, help me do the hard work of being part of the restoration and correction process.
- Let this practice of cultivating love, sympathy, and gentleness be a process that reminds me of my own sickness, slows my anger down, improves my patience and creates a more true reflection of Jesus.
In the compassionate name of Jesus that said, ‘Forgive them,’ I pray, Amen.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
“Let this practice of cultivating love, sympathy, and gentleness be a process that reminds me of my own sickness, slows my anger down, improves my patience and creates a more true reflection of Jesus.”
To run with the metaphor of illness…
I think, so many times, this is where it starts – with the realization that I am not the great physician, and in fact, I am being treated for the same violent disease and a symptom is anger – that when I feel this way, I’m actual running a fever, and the other person’s symptom is just different than mine.
This helps correct my anger and turn it into compassion; in fact, it helps me move from a place of superiority to a place of humility.
Thanks for the reminder – so easy to jab at someone’s speck with a plank knocking them in a head at the same time. Ironically, they probably see the symptom in me.
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Nicole,
Your post a few weeks ago about speaking of Jesus really hit a nerve for me. We wanted to practice speaking at length about our Savior so that it would be more natural for it to become part of our everyday conversation. After conversation over how we would observe Lent, we decided that at dinner each night we would limit our conversation to that only partaining to Jesus. Granted, it has not even been a week – but I have to say we have been very encouraged and find it refreshing that it looks as though there is no way we could ever exhaust the subject. Thanks for your encouragement. I am grateful for you buddy.
danielle anders
http://www.danielleandersdesign.com
http://conversationsonmarriage.blogspot.com
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Hey Danielle
So glad to hear of your commitment. Maybe we should implement the same practice..maybe not at dinner (don’t do much talking then) but at some point in the day. I just can’t figure out why it’s so hard to talk about Jesus when He’s the reason for all there is to talk about.
I’m thankful for our journey together.
I really do have moments of great frustration with others and sometimes “rant” with my husband but then cool off and ask God to help me love like He loves and see others as He sees them. Something that regularly helps me is to remember where I’ve come from and that anything good in me or in my life is only because of the incredible grace of my God. I wish I didn’t give in to judgment or anger as often as I do and I pray I’ll keep maturing in this and improve at loving others more freely, choosing to overlook unloveliness and instead to always see the best in those around me.
What a wonderful post, Nicole. I too have those moments of rising anger (and upon realizing my son had a fever of 102 this morning, felt much as you did…) and I’ll certainly think back upon your thoughts the next time this happens. *thank you*
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