Today, I’m hosting another guest post from our good friend, Amy. She’s an excellent writer, a teacher, and a follower of Jesus. He’s leading her down a difficult path of fighting cancer these days and teaching her amazing things. Follow along as she shares some of her insights.
Last week I took a mini trip-Tuesday, flew to Nashville, Thursday, flew home to Houston. Even though it was only a three day trip, it felt like I spent forever preparing for the adventure.
- I had to find a hospital in Nashville where I could get chemotherapy on Wednesday
- I had to have my files sent there ahead of time
- I had to prepare mentally to suffer through the effects of the Chemo Wednesday and Thursday (outside of the comforts of my home)
- I had to pack a suitcase of pills, diet supplements, you name it
That little trip reminded me how much my life has changed in the last few years since I met cancer. It made me think, ‘This just isn’t right. Things should not be this hard. I’m young with few cares….I should be able to pick up and go anywhere, any time.’ But, since I met cancer, this just isn’t the case anymore. And I suppose that the change has happened in such a way that I barely noticed it. It took a trip outside my home to remind me just how different things are now.
On the flight home to Houston, God gave me one of those ‘aha’ moments. It was night time and we had to circle the Houston airport a few times before landing. It was one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL sights I have ever seen. The lights, roads, cars, buildings…it was breathtaking. I have seen it a million times before, but this time things looked different to me. I have lived in the Houston area since I was in 3rd grade. This has always been “home” to me. But as the city grew closer, or rather the plane grew closer to the city, and I looked out the window, I started to cry. I even placed my hand on the window just hoping to touch some part of it to know it was real. The kind man next to me asked if I was “homesick” and I nodded. Only he had no clue what ‘homesick’ really meant for me at that moment.
Since meeting cancer, I’ve grown more and more homesick. And not necessarily for Houston, TX. (Though God surely blessed Texas with His own hand!) I am not homesick for Houston, my car, my house, my friends, my life here in this corner of earth. I am homesick for heaven. In that sweet moment, as we hovered above my earthly home, I felt so strongly the desire to head toward my heavenly one. And I must admit that I liked the feeling. It reminded me that my true citizenship is in heaven.
Don’t get me wrong. I am comfortable here on earth. Here are just a few reasons why:
- My coffee
- My favorite couch
- My family
- Yummy food
- My church
- Good friends
- Rainy days
- Simple, mundane tasks
But, lately, I have not felt as settled when I plop down on my favorite couch. Perhaps because I know it’s just not a permanent seat. Though it may be all I have ever known or experienced with my senses, I’m coming to realize that there is SO much more out there, beyond these days and this place. Jesus promised that He has prepared a place for us, a place without tears, sickness, treatments, death, pain, sin, or brokenness. I’m longing for that place more and more these days.
And, it’s a good thing that God is giving me that longing…
Yesterday, as I was getting out of the shower I found a HUGE bruise on my upper right arm. Not only is it large, it hurts! This scared me. I have no idea where it came from or how I got it. It is in an odd spot and is bigger than the palm of my hand. Then, today I discovered more bruises on my hand and thigh. Since unusual bruising is a symptom of CLL (Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia), I’m full of worry. My mind is racing:
- ‘Maybe the treatment isn’t working’
- ‘Maybe I have been too lax on my diet’
- ‘Maybe…oh good grief I could do this all day.’
And as my mind spiraled out of control, I remembered that flight into Houston from Nashville. I remembered the tears that I shed as we landed. I remembered the fact that even as I returned ‘home,’ I was still longing for another place. This is only a temporary home for me. Even if my body is failing me, this is not the end for this homesick little girl. I don’t know what my doctor will say tomorrow about all these bruises. But I do know what the Great Physician says to me now.
I want to fully live here today. I want to drink in the sights, I want to love and enjoy the people, I want to LIVE. HERE. NOW. But, I don’t want to be afraid of not living here someday. And these days, as I realize there’s no place like my heavenly home, the only way I can step away from the ties of this world while living in it is to do as Paul instructed. I’m thinking about heavenly things even as I sit on my couch, drink my coffee, and try to energize myself to pack up my things for another trip to the doctor’s office.
If you want to be thinking about an eternal home more these days, I’d love to recommend some resources that my husband and I have found extremely helpful. Click here for more info.
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Really beautiful and powerful….thank you Amy for sharing your moments. I always wonder why I feel anxiety about leaving this place. After all, who wouldn’t look forward to Heaven? It is perfect in every way-who wouldn’t want that?
I suppose it is fear; fear that grips at every curve in life. This place is the hard place-with our creature comforts the tonic for our ills; resting in Jesus and His promises are the real comfort.
God bless you.
Your message is eye-opening, Amy. THANK YOU. I’m moved to refocus on God and the home He’s prepared for us. The image of you flying into Houston, yet wanting heaven, is so vivid. I’ve been thinking more about my true home (I think because my toddler frequently discusses “home,” asking questions about homes, where people live…). Nicole, please share more about Acorn’s books. Why do y’all recommend these in particular?
Thanks for asking. Well, to be honest, there aren’t too many books about heaven out there these days. This used to be a topic that lots of Christian authors wrote about, but it’s just not the hot topic these days. We’ve found that Randy Alcorn (though sometimes a bit wordy) offers a fair shake at Scripture’s representation of heaven. He takes an honest, humble approach to typical questions about heaven and searches Scripture for hints. He doesn’t seem to be biased but instead trying hard to find out what God is saying.
If anything, his writings are an opportunity to just get you thinking more about heaven and deciding for yourself what you think about all that Scripture says. We’ve never been more encouraged to think about our true Home then when we’re reading some sort of Heaven material from Randy Alcorn. There are smaller versions of his writings and audio versions as well. You could try the smaller versions before committing to the big book if you’re interested. Thanks again for the question.
Amy, thanks for sharing! I’ll be praying for you.
Another great book on heaven and suffering that really changed my perspective is _90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death & Life_ by Don Piper. A must read, truly!
I read One Minute After You Die quite a while back & remember really liking it (by a guy named Erwin Lutzer). Anyway, thanks. I might read Randy Alcorn’s materials one of these days.
Felicia,
Thanks so much for the book recommendation. We’ll add it to the list!